All Inclusive, Part Deux

By Scott January 25, 2024

After spending a week at an all-inclusive hotel in Crete (The Royal Belvedere, affectionately called "Belvey" by guests and staff), and after the kids raved about how fun it was to eat "infinite food, infinite drinks, and infinite 'granitas'" ("granita" is the Italian word for a really sweet slushie), we decided to repeat the trick in Cancun for Luke and Alex's birthday. So we booked four nights at the Royal Cancun, but it turns out that Cancun is not Crete, and the experience overall was quite a bit different for all of us. Here is the scorecard.

Food

In general, the food at Royal Cancun was probably better, but there is a catch. At Belvey, everyone was on the all-inclusive plan, so there was food available at any time and any of us could just walk over and get a piece of pizza or a chicken souvlaki in a pita. In Cancun, we had to be seated by a hostess, give our room number, and wait to sign a $0 "bill" at the end. It was all quite a pain, and eliminated the empowerment the kids had felt at Belvey to be in charge of their own meals.

Food Quality Winner: Royal Cancun.

Food Convenience Winner: Belvey by a long shot.

Drinks

If the food was inconvenient, the drinks were a major pain. Not only did the Royal Cancun ask for a room number, but they also required to swipe a room key before serving a drink. And you had to sign a $0 bill (with an expected tip) at the end. So if Alex wanted a Fanta, he and I both had to go down to the bar, swipe the key, order the Fanta, and I had to sign for it. I guess the the alcoholic drinks at the Royal Cancun were full strength, while they were watered down a LOT at Belvey, but for our purposes that was hardly an offset.

Winner: Belvey

Activities

Belvey had what can only be described as the most difficult mini-golf course in the world (the modal score per hole for our group was the maximum 12), pools that were unheated, a beach that was a quarter-mile away (down the hill) and air hockey and video games that required Euro coins to play. The Royal Cancun, by contrast, had free kayaks, free paddle boards, a reasonably fun foosball game, tennis, and basketball.

Winner: Royal Cancun, in a landslide.

Entertainment

Belvey had a nightly "show," with an early show for the kids and a later show for the adults (which our kids always stayed for). The shows were a bit campy, were put on by the hotel staff, and were generally a lot of fun. By contrast, the Royal Cancun had a nightly singer at the restaurant, but no other show. Apparently we had the right to make a reservation at another Royal resort restaurant and could take the bus over to see it at dinner, but there was a dress code and, really, who wants to wear long pants at the beach just to watch a mariachi band?

Winner: Belvey.

Pools

Belvey's pools were not heated, and we were there in October when the air temperature was in the 70s.

Winner: Royal Cancun.

Treats

The Royal Cancun had no ice cream and no slushies, both of which were big hits with the kids at Belvey. The buffet desserts were also a bit underwhelming at Royal Cancun; I'm not a big fan of baklava but the sheer variety of desserts (did I mention the ice cream?) at Belvey makes this an easy choice.

Winner: Belvey.

Price

Ok, this one is easy. The Royal Cancun blew our budget in a big way. I think I have some vestigial memory of Cancun being cheap, like Las Vegas used to be, but that is no longer true in either place. Part of the problem is that we are five, and Cancun appears to have very few five-person hotel rooms, so we were stuck with the short list of such rooms or with renting two rooms. But still. We spent about three weeks of budget on four nights, and may have been just as happy staying in Mexico City a few more days and getting grocery-store ice cream. By contrast, at Belvey, whether we got Greek pricing or end-of-season rates or it's just cheaper, we stayed on budget.

Winner: Belvey.

On balance, Belvey seems a clear winner. The kids preferred the freedom and the treats, and the parents preferred the cheaper price.

To be honest, though, I think all-inclusive places always disappoint me. They are never quite right--I always feel like I'm getting ripped off, the ask for tips drives me nuts (I already paid, why am I paying MORE??), the environment devoid of local culture or experience beyond the staff and the lounge singers is just so....sterile, it's all just too much. Many years ago Becca and I stayed at a resort in Zanzibar, and after a day or two we tried to leave to go across the street to the local bar. The guards at the gate tried to stop us, then tried to talk us out of it, then reluctantly let us out. We walked 100 meters down the road, got a beer and some snacks for about $2 each, chatted with the locals, and came back much happier than we had been after our $25 lunch the day before. On this trip, I overheard one of the guests say to his friend, "Oh I'd NEVER come here for just a week!" to which I thought, "Please God: No!" So maybe the lesson of all this is simple: these resorts are not for me. It was fun(-ish), but I was glad to leave.